Hollow Shell and Wooden Post: A Love Story

I’ve been sick in bed for the past few days. Don’t worry, nothing major, just a wicked cold. That said, I had to find something to keep myself occupied. I took to streaming movies online. Sunday, I watched Up in the Air. Monday, I watched Valentine’s Day. Yesterday I felt like watching something romantic, cheesy and somewhat thrilling.

That’s when I hit rock bottom. I turned to Twilight: New Moon.

I read the first book in Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, and I saw the first movie. I wasn’t a terrific fan of either, but I made an effort to see what all the fuss was about. I still don’t get it.

In New Moon,  Bella discovers new feelings for her best friend-turned-werewolf, Jacob, after Edward, her vampire boyfriend, suddenly skips town.

The story is thus: vampire boy leaves girl, girl is upset, yet finds comfort in wolf boy. Girl engages in reckless activities, hoping to see the image of vampire boy, which only appears when she’s in danger. Girl dives off cliff, wolf boy saves her, but vampire boy thinks she’s dead. Without his human girlfriend alive, vampire boy wants to die.

“Edward Cullen: I love you. You’re my only reason to stay alive… if that’s what I am.”

I won’t tell you the rest. You’ll have to see if for yourself.

What would a good Twilight movie be without plenty of teen angst, G-rated kissing and a barrage of bare chests.

There are SO many bare chests in this movie. I guess now I know why this film grossed as much as it did. Chests.

When Bella crashes her motorcycle, she gets a nasty gash in her head – for Jacob, her rescuer, the obvious choice would be get her home, and get her cleaned up using something sanitary. Instead, without missing a beat, Jacob takes off his t-shirt, using it to dab at the wound. Nice.

In fact, Jacob Black and his Aboriginal Werewolf Crew are always topless. They walk around the whole movie like it ain’t no thang. Wait a minute, doesn’t this film take place in Forks, Washington? Isn’t Washington kind of chilly and damp? Oh riiiiight. I forgot: werewolves have a very high body temperature. This means they don’t need to wear shirts. Stephanie Meyer, you thought of everything!

“Jacob Black: 108 degrees over here.
Bella Swan: My hands are freezing. Must be nice never getting cold.
Jacob Black: It’s a wolf thing.
Bella Swan: No, it’s a Jacob thing, you could be like your own sun.”

Maybe I’m just a Chatty Cathy, but why is everyone in this film so quiet? It seems like all the characters in this film are drones and glide from scene to scene, not really saying much. Bella hardly talks to her friends at school, she hardly talks to her befuddled father and she barely speaks to Edward unless she’s asking him to grant her eternal life. In the film she “sort of” chats to Jacob to tell him he’s “sort of” beautiful, but aside from that there’s not a lot of dialogue. There are, however, a lot of time lapse scenes.

Besides the film’s obvious amounts of cheese and terrible screenwriting, you just can’t look away. The film has beautiful scenery – lots of moss-covered trees, lots of aerial shots of the forest, cars driving down long roads and shots of the ocean. Could you really ask for better filler? I think not.

Kristen Stewart in Twilight

Plus, they did a great job of casting this film. Kristen Stewart is perfect as Bella Swan, aka The Hollow Shell. Bella Swan’s character is non-descript and so designed so that young girls can place themselves in the story with Edward the vampire. It’s difficult work to make no character choices, and here, Stewart is a pro. She plays angry, sad, depressed, adventurous, rebellious, disgust, romantic and in heart-wrenching love all with the same level of emotion, and without committing to any of these feelings.

Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are the real money makers. Without them, this movie would have tanked. They are both terrific eye-candy for the tweenybopper set.

Lautner appeared in the first Twilight installment, but here is his chance to shine in bare-chested glory. He’s endearing as anything, and in this film, he really stands out. Maybe it’s because he’s healthy-looking and strong, against the gaunt paleness of the vampire brood.

Pattinson is the epitome of a man’s man vampire, offering grunt-like conversation. Perhaps a new title? Hollow Shell and Wooden Post: A Love Story.

I was thoroughly entertained by Twlight: New Moon, but for all the wrong reasons. I’m probably just out of that drooling ga-ga vampire phase of my life, because perhaps at one point, this film would have completely appealed to me. Would I watch it again? No. Will I watch the next installment of the Twilight Saga? Definitely. Pass the Cheese.

Necessary Necessities

Canadian cinema has long dealt with themes of isolation and colliding cultures, but rarely does a film capture these with such simple beauty as The Necessities of Life. Set in 1952, Benoît Pilon’s film explores an Inuit man’s profound culture shock as he’s plucked from his homeland.

Necessities tells the story of Tivii (Natar Ungalaaq), an Inuit hunter stricken with tuberculosis. When he is admitted to a Quebec City hospital for long-term treatment, Tivii struggles with the separation from his family and his home. Though comforted by a caring nurse Carole (Eveline Gelinas) and an earnest friend, Joseph (Vincent-Guillaume Otis), Tivii is subject to ridicule and insensitivity from the other patients. Although he develops some friendships, Tivii is desperately homesick for Baffin Island, a land he claims has everything one could ever need, and as the film’s title suggests, all the necessities of life.

Best known for his francophone documentaries, Pilon has selected a fine cast and Ungalaaq is a compelling lead. His quiet composure and even voice is magnetic. Though his eyes are often still, they convey subtle emotions with ease. A carver by trade, Ungalaaq puts his talents to good use, constructing intricate wooden mementos from his homeland. Gelinas’ nurse Carole is patient and understanding as she tends to Tivii, though she’s not afraid to be firm. One bright cast member is Paul-André Brasseur, who plays Kaki, an Inuit boy invited to translate for Tivii and help him adjust to his surroundings. Brasseur’s Kaki is young and innocent yet also shows maturity. Although he’s also a patient confined to the hospital, Kaki knows how the world works.

Bernard Émond’s screenplay is elegant. The dialogue is clear and short – every word is necessary. The film highlights themes of intolerance and staying true to heritage, but Émond doesn’t thrust these at the audience, instead they subtly emerge. One minor flaw is that the translation blurs the characters’ use of both French and Inuktitut languages. Sharing these languages are key moments in the film, yet the significance is lost on English audiences.

The cinematography captured the lonely mood of the piece. Lingering shots of Tivii walking alone show his isolation, and some handheld camerawork added movement and interest in the hospital scenes.

Pilon and his team create a beautiful soundscape for the film. Chilling silence and natural sound mark Tivii’s arctic home (to which he travels in his dreams and imagination). Blaring boat horns and other abrasive noise helps the audience understand Tivii’s shock and frustration with the white man’s world. A constant element in the film is the use of breath and coughing to distinguish between Tivii’s home and the hospital, while deep string music rounds out the soundtrack.

The Necessities of Life is a beautiful homegrown film that entertains, yet also pays homage to our culture. Necessities shows that sometimes simplicity is best, and that films don’t have to be flashy to make an impact. As Canadians, it’s a work to be proud of.